Dammnit, Jim!
by rockmysocks456
Summary: The Romulans have returned and Jim Kirk, Bones, Spock, Scotty, Chekov and the crew have to stop them! Hilarity and pain ensue...
1. Rocking the Ship Unintentionally

_* Read and review, chapter two coming soon!_

* * *

"Bones," Jim said slowly and carefully into the intercom. "We could probably use your assistance up on the bridge..."

"Why? Is everything okay?" Bones replied irritably.

"Well, er- no, not exactly _okay._" Jim replied and his hand fell limp, switching off the intercom as he hit the ground.

Now, you may be wondering how he got to be in this situation.

* * *

THE PREVIOUS DAY.

"Keptain!" The young, positively adorable, Russian ensign, Pavel Chekov came hurrying onto the bridge.

"Yeah, what is it Chekov?" Captain James T. Kirk asked sitting lazily in the captain's chair of the Enterprise.

"Eets just that, there seems to be anuzzer ship following us."

"Another ship? Uhura, dear, could you kindly look into that for me?" Jim said sitting back unenthusiastically.

Uhura rolled her eyes, "I'm sure you can handle it, captain."

Jim let out a heavy sigh and got up, "Fine, fine... I'll check it out myself."

He left the bridge and was turning the corner when he ran into Dr. "Bones" McCoy.

Bones gasped, dropped several folders and cursed, "God dammnit Jim!"

Jim watched as Bones collected up his papers and stacked them neatly. He then held out his hand and helped him up.

"Where you headed anyway?" Bones asked curiously.

"Going to check out what kind of ship is follow- HOLY SHIT!"

The Enterprise jerked violently, and that took alot saying how large of a ship it was. There were a number of footsteps as several crew members from the bridge came hurrying to alert Kirk of what had just happened.

"Captain! Romulans are trying to attack!" Hikaru Sulu said, an expression of utmost terror etched across his face.

Jim and Bones exchanged glanced with their eyebrows furrowed in concern. Simultaneously, they walked back toward the bridge. The ship jerked violently again and Jim staggered sideways. Bones yanked him to his feet and they reached the bridge.

"Keptain! Ze Romulans, zey are here! I don't know how or vhy but zey are here!" Chekov exclaimed.

Spock just arrived, panting slightly in the doorway, "Captain... I have heard someone is attempting an assualt on the Enterprise?"

"Not just someone, Spock. The Romulans."

"I'm afraid they have been, in best explained terms, sucked into a black hole..."

"Yeah well, some how they got out."

It seemed everyone had heard of the Romulans attack because Montgomery Scott also showed up on the bridge.

"Oi, Captain! I think it may be possible that the damn Romulans did the same thing we did!" His thick Scottish brogue very prominent at this moment.

"And what's that, Scotty?" Bones asked.

"We kept ourselves from goin' en the hole by propellin' ourselves foward by means of an explosion behind us!"

Spock took this in silently and then said, "How fascinating..."


	2. The Battle Against the Romulans

_* Sorry this chapter isn't that good but I really wanted to try and get somewhere with this story. So bare with me. READ AND REVIEW!_

* * *

The large screen on the bridge flickered.

Uhura's eyes widened and she looked over at Kirk.

"Uh, incoming video-call from Nero, captiain."

Everyone on the bridge was silent. They were all exchanging looks of shock and fear.

"Alright. Put him on then." Kirk said calmly.

The screen flickered as Nero came into view. He looked exactly the same as before, except for a long scar that ran the length of the left side of his face.

"Hello, Kirk."

"Nero."

"As you can see, we remaining Romulans have freed ourselves from that black hole you sent us into. But as we went hurtling in, we noticed your tactic and tried it ourselves. As you can see, it worked."

"Then what do you want?"

"The same thing I wanted last time, Kirk. I want you to feel the pain I did. My planet was destroyed. Taken from me."

"But you already took the Vulcans from me." Spock said unexpectedly.

"That is correct. However Captain Kirk here tried to take the remainder of my people out when he sent us into that black hole. He will pay the price."

Bones cocked an eyebrow in curiosity, "And what price is that?"

"The Enterprise and the whole crew on it will be nothing but scraps of metal when I'm done with it." Nero said simply.

He cut the transmission and every eye in the room was on Kirk. He knew this but ignored it as he contemplated.

"What'll we do, captain?" Spock asked.

"I guess we'll do the only thing we can do. We'll fight them." Kirk said smiling.

Hundreds of Enterprise crew members were hurrying to their stations. Bones had ran off to the medical bay, preparing for alot of patients. Kirk was equipped with a gun when he said sternly,

"Spock, you're in charge. Can you do that?"

Spock cocked a slanted eyebrow, "I have done this before. It's a miracle _you_ were able to."

Kirk smirked and clapped his hand on Spock's shoulder as he departed.

* * *

The ship was jerking and rocking violently as it took several hits from Nero's ship which was shooting wildly in their direction.

Screams and bellows of fighting were heard all over the ship as several Romulans had gotten aboard.

Kirk knew he had to face Nero himself. He rounded the corner. No one needed to know where he was going...

BANG!

He leapt aside as the Romulans blasted at the ship.

Getting up coughing a bit, Kirk looked around and saw, in the middle of the wreckage, bloody and trapped, Pavel Chekov.

"CHEKOV!" Kirk shouted. But there was no response.

He immediately began sifting through the rubble, finally reaching the young ensign. He pulled him out, and saw he was unconscious.

He took the boy, and went dashing off with him to medical bay. There he found Bones, anxiety showing plainly on his face as he directed the nurses.

"Bones!" Kirk said as he entered.

"Jim! What've you done to yourself now?"

"Not me... yet. It's the Chekov kid,"

Bones hurried foward and Kirk assisted him in taking the kid to an empty bio-bed.

Kirk turned to leave and Bones stopped him, "Woah, where are you going?"

"Er, nowhere..."

"Dammnit Jim, I'm a doctor not a moron! Where are you going?"

"Nero's ship." Kirk admitted.

"Wh- Not alone!"

"I've gotta, Bones." Kirk said.

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"DO TOO!"

"DO NOT!"

The two men stood glaring at each other and with a defiant smirk, Bones called,

"Nurse Chapel! Take care of the kid will you? I gotta go,"

"You- Alright, Bones. Let's go."

"Hell yeah."


	3. Aboard a Romulan Ship

_* Thanks for waiting so long guys, writer's block sucks. READ AND REVIEW._

* * *

After an overly complicated and elaborate trip over to the Romulan ship, Jim and Bones stood armed and ready to take Nero down.

"Got my back, Bones?" Kirk asked as he and his friend snuck around a corner.

"When have I not?"

The pair crept slowly down the narrow, and oddly darker corridors of Nero's ship finally reaching what appeared to be something like a boiler room.

"Kirk." Both men jumped turned around and raised their weapons.

"Jesus Christ! Tryin' tuh kill me? I just got ova' here with these three." It was Scotty who then gestured to the younger two on by his side, "These two wouldn't shut up unless I took 'em with me."

Beside Scotty, Spock stood accompanied by Sulu and a bruised and cut up, but otherwise alright Chekov. All were wielding weapons of their own.

"No, I can't let all of your risk your lives for-" Kirk protested but was cut off by Spock.

"I think all of these men understood the consquences of joining Star Fleet when they first arrived at the academy, Mr. Kirk."

Kirk rolled his eyes, "Alright, so here's the plan."

* * *

About five minutes later everyone was in their designated positions. Chekov and Sulu were standing at the end of the corridor, prepared to wander out as bait for all the guards in the area, Scotty and Bones were prepared to attack said guards, and Spock was at Kirk's side to find the Romulan they sought most. Nero.

"Alright, you two ready?" Kirk hissed to Chekov and Sulu.

Both nodded nervously.

"Go!"

Chekov took a deep, consoling breath and walked out into the heavily guarded boiler room like room.

"Hikaru, I sink vee are in ze wrong place! Zis is not vhere I had been eentending to go! I sought vhee vhere looking for ze nearest space station!" Chekov said loudly, laying his accent on thickly to draw even more Romulan attention.

"Don't be stupid, Pavel. This has to be the right place!" He too spoke quite loudly, just asking any Romulan near by to come running.

"HEY! YOU TWO!" A Romulan guard had found them and was running towards them with a few friends...

"Yes, pleez sir eef you could help me and my friend Hikaru here? Vhee are trying to find ze space station eef you could be so kind as to point us in ze right direction, I'd be very grateful." Chekov said.

Each mispronunciation caused the Romulans to furrow their eyebrows still further.

"Well don't just stand around! Kill these intruders!" One Romulan roared.

* * *

Kirk heard the beginning of the fight. He heard a few Scottish swears and some familiar voices. None seemed in too much danger so Kirk reluctantly pressed on, Spock by his side.

"Jim," Spock said suddenly, throwing his arm out to stop him.

"What?"

"He's _right_ there." Spock said pointing a pale index finger towards the captain's chair.

"Why's he just sitting there?" Kirk asked curiously.

"I haven't any idea."

"Let's go check." Kirk said and the pair made their way up, blasting a few Romulan guards out of their way with ease.

"Hello, Nero." Kirk said, still holding his gun raised high in case of a trap.

When the two men drew closer they saw, head resting on his shoulder, blood dribbling out of the side of his mouth, Nero was dead.

The two men exchanged looks.

"So, uh... mission accomplished then?" Kirk said dropping his weapon seeing no potential threat.

"Not quite." Nero said jumping up and holding his blade to Kirk's throat.


	4. No Real Negotiation

_* Sorry this is kind of a dumb chapter. READ AND REVIEW._

* * *

So there they stood. Blade held tightly against James T. Kirk's throat, Spock standing frozen in his spot, unsure the logical move in this particular situation. Nero held all the cards. And he did _not_ want to play Go-Fish. He wanted to play black jack. Kirk would lose all he'd put in, all his efforts, to Nero who had taken it all in a single, well-planned move.

"So Kirk... tell me what it is you want." Nero said slowly, dragging each word out.

"We wish to negotiate a cease-fire." Spock said cooly.

Nero scratches his chin with a sarcastic expression of thoughtfulness.

"Negotiate, eh? Can you bring me back the Romulan planet?"

"Well, no-"

"The people who lived there?"

"No but-"

"Can you bring back all you've taken from me?"

"No but-"

"WELL THEN!" Nero roared and then looked away to regain control, "Well then, I don't see any further negotiation necessary. I destroy the Enterprise and all it's residents, including you two, and we're even."

Kirk smirked.

"I'm being serious here, Kirk." Nero said.

"Which is funny considering I'm the one holding the trigger here."

"What-? Fuck."

Nero looked down to see Kirk's gun was pressed to Nero's chest.

"I'm the one holding the blade to your throat though." Nero pointed out.

"Yes, that is also true." Spock said wisely, "However, I'm not sure either of you are making a logical move by killing each other. If this were to occur, cease-fire could be decided, or not. It'd be a fifty percent chance either way."

Nero rolled his eyes. He released Kirk, and the two stood face to face. What would happen now? No one knew...

"DAMMNIT JIM!"

All three men turned suddenly towards the doorway and saw Bones standing, slightly beat up and panting.

"What happened, Bones?" Kirk asked apprehensively.

"One of the Romulan guards set off a time bomb, we got five minutes."

"FUCK, I didn't authorize that!" Nero cursed, "Oh well, heads up Kirk." He whipped around and hurled the blade at Kirk. He then proceeded to disappear around the corner.

The blade caught him in the shoulder and he gasped in pain as blood began seeping out.

"C'MON KIRK, SPOCK, WE GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" Bones roared taking his friend my the arm and steering him towards the corridor.

Together the trio were running, down hallways, around corners, uncertain of how the hell they were getting back to their own ship.

"Where are Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov?" Kirk asked suddenly as they ran.

"St-Stealing a pod." Bones panted.

"How much more time we got until the explosion?"

"Th-Three minutes."


	5. Not Enough Time

_* I think this chapter's better than the last, READ AND REVIEW._

* * *

"KEPTAIN!" It was Chekov.

The three men whipped their heads round to see Chekov, Scotty, and Sulu dashing toward them looking panicked.

"What's the problem?" Bones asked.

"We can't find any of ze pods! Zere are none left!"

All four men now looked aprehensively at Kirk, it was then that he really felt like a captain. All their lives depended on his decision, his plan, and he didn't have time to think out a well-planned escape, they had three minutes. Less.

"Did any of you happen to see a beaming pad anywhere when we got here?" Kirk asked, thinking quickly.

"Sir, I saw one over at the end of the East wing." Sulu said pointing towards said hallway.

"Mr. Scott, are you able to beam us to the Enterprise?" Spock asked, catching on.

"I wish I could, but it probably has alot of protection against us." Scotty sighed.

"I could hack eet, Meester Spock!" Chekov said, eyes once again alight with that youthful pride.

"Do it!" Kirk urged.

Running down the corridors, Bones and Sulu blasting Romulans out of their way. Bones reminded them,

"We got about a minute left, Jim!"

Once they found the beaming pad, Chekov immediately went to work hacking the firewall. Scotty watched, impressed.

"C'mon, Pavel we got forty seconds!" Sulu snapped.

"I-I..." Chekov trembled under the pressure, "I..."

"C'mon Chekov!"

"WE'RE EEN!" Chekov shouted, and fainted.

"Dammnit!" Bones muttered.

"BEAM US SCOTTY, TWENTY SECONDS!" Kirk shouted.

They all stood on the pad, Sulu grabbing Chekov by the collar. Scotty leaned over the computer and hit a few keys...

"FOURTEEN SECONDS!"

"GOT IT." Scotty yelled and hit enter.

Slowly, far too slowly they were being beamed... would they make it...?

"C'mon...!" Bones muttered.

"Not this time Kirk! Today, _no one_ makes it!" It was Nero.

"Shit!"

Nero was holding the plug to the computer... they weren't going to make it.

"GOD DAMN YOU!"

There was an earsplitting explosion... metal... fire... smoke... blackness.


	6. Explosion Aftermath

_* Almost done this story! READ AND REVIEW._

* * *

Sulu lifted his head. He looked around dazedly at the wreckage. The fire had died down but large scraps of metal were everywhere. His eyes scanned the floor for anyone... anyone at all. They had to be alive... Had to be...

Then he saw it. The familiar crop of curly brown hair. Beneath a chunk of ceiling was his best friend, Pavel Chekov.

"Chekov!" Sulu gasped.

* * *

Scotty blinked away the blackness that had engulfed him. His body ached with pain. He looked around.

* * *

Spock awoke, realizing gratefully, he was alive. But no, the four others couldn't all possibly be alive. Not after that explosion. He wiped the blood off his forehead and saw Scotty.

"Are you alright, Mr. Scott?"

"I've been betta but I'm not dead. You?"

"I have also been better but I am not dying either."

* * *

Kirk blinked away the blurred screen that had fallen over his vision. He had failed. He hadn't led his crew to safety. He'd killed them. He looked around without much hope. He pushed a large chunk of metal out of his way and found beneath it, Chekov.

"Chekov!"

Chekov opened his eyes groggily. He felt something warm and wet seeping down his forehead. He ignored it and saw kneeling beside him was Sulu and Kirk.

"Hello." He mumbled.

"Where's Bones?" Kirk asked suddenly, "BONES?"

Kirk stumbled to his feet and searched the area for his friend, Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy.

* * *

Bones let out a soft groan as he awoke. His whole body ached. But he knew he had to wake up. Kirk was calling him and was most likely injured, as per usual. Bones sat up and called,

"Kirk?"

"Bones!" Kirk wavered over, "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine." Bones mumbled, staggering to his feet.

"Scotty's trying to fix the beaming pad. He says some of the wires are melted."

"Dammnit Jim, I'm a doctor not an electrician!"

"Just sayin'..." Kirk muttered.

"Oi, you lot!" Scotty called to the now conscious men, "Anybody got a transmitter at hand? We gotta contact the Enterprise, this pad aint able to beam a ladybug two inches away."

"I have one." Spock said handing it to Scotty.

"Oi, Scotty to Enterprise!"

There was second's silence before Uhura responded, "Thank God, you're alright! Are the others with you?"

"Yeah, they're here. Listen, we need you to beam us back!"

"I'll get someone on that right away!"


	7. Medical Bay

_* Last chapter. READ AND REVIEW!_

* * *

So there they were. Beamed back onto the Enterprise. All eyes on them awaiting news of what had happened, and where the Romulan ship had gone.

The stood. Soldiers in their own ways, bearing their wounds somewhat proudly, unsure who would announce all that had gone on. Was their war against the Romulans over? Forever?

"Captain Kirk?" A cadet asked eagerly.

"Er, Bones. Care to explain?" Kirk said looking over at his friend.

"Fine. We went over to the Romulan ship, were attacked by guards, while Jim and Spock were confronting Nero, a guard set off a time bomb. We got to their beaming pad and at the last second Nero pulled the plug and the bomb went off. We all got up and called you who beamed us back. Which brings us to now."

All eyes in the room had widened and were scanning over the men in awe.

"So... it's-it's over?" Uhura asked.

"Most likely, yes. As the ship is now on fire any other survivors will perish." Spock said.

The bridge roared with applause.

"C'mon you five, you're going to medical." Bones sighed.

"Hey, it's not just us. You too, Bones." Kirk replied irritably.

Bones glared and walked with them down to the medical bay.

* * *

The medical staff patched them up, Bones grudgingly admitting he had a concussion. Jim looked at him with a confused expression.

"Why does that bother you so much, Bones?" Kirk inquired.

"Dammnit man, I don't need a doctor, I am a doctor!"

"Just 'cuz you're a doctor doesn't mean you don't need help every once and awhile." Sulu said from across the bay.

Bones said nothing.


	8. The Third Time

_* Okay I lied, chapter 7 wasn't the last. READ AND REVIEW!_

* * *

BANG!

After being patched up in the medical bay, Kirk was sitting in the captain's chair on the bridge when a powerful blow hit the side of the ship.

"K-Keptain?" Chekov stuttered fearfully looking up from his station.

"Uh..."

"Hello again... Kirk."

The screen had flashed on and Nero's face was on the screen once more.

"Goddammnit! I thought you were dead!" Kirk said not bothering to hide his irritation.

"Not quite... Kirk." Nero slurred, "You see like yourselves, a few of us Romulans survived. Others did not however that just gives me even more of a motive."

"Motive for what, Nero, what do you want now?" Kirk roared.

"The same thing I've wanted all along, Kirk. I want you to feel the pain I did. But you just can't give up, can you? This is your last chance to give in, and let me take over." Nero shrugged.

Kirk shook his head, "We will fight, Nero. And you will die, not us."

Nero shrugged a second time and sighed, "So be it."

The firing was immediate, it seemed in the few hours during which the Enterprise was blissfully ignorant of the Romulans survival, they had some how managed to fix their weaponry so that they were shooting great holes into the ship's exterior.

"Goddamnit! Fire everything we've got!" Kirk shouted and the crew did so.

Then it happened. A dire blow to the bridge, everyone ducked for cover as the beam hit them. For a moment it was silent but for the Romulan's continued firing. Jim struggled through the rubble over to the intercom. He slumped down to the floor and from a kneeling position he reached the intercom.

"Bones," Jim said slowly and carefully into the intercom. "We could probably use your assistance up on the bridge..."

"Why? Is everything okay?" Bones replied irritably.

"Well, er- no, not exactly _okay._" Jim replied and his hand fell limp, switiching off the intercom as he hit the ground.

"GODDAMMNIT JIM!" Bones raged and stumbled weakly around the medical bay for supplies.


End file.
